What does it mean to be "coachable"?

A thought experiment and a meditation on John Mulaney and David Letterman.

Pacific Beach, San Diego

On Labor Day morning I watched “My Next Guest Needs No Introduction with David Letterman,” guest John Mulaney, while I ate an omelette and washed sheets. I’d seen the episode before but I wanted to hear David interview John more than listen to John answer the questions; I wanted to see the chemistry between them, and to study the repose that Dave has as an interviewer: how he sat, how he asked questions, how he listened silently to the answers.

The way they were together inspired me to write this, something looser and more spontaneous about what it means to be “coachable.” They straight-away entered a conversation about their addictions to alcohol and drugs, and of course John’s special “Baby J” is about his intervention, rehab, and recovery, which I saw him perform live at the Encore Theater at the Wynn during the pandemic.

To be coachable, you have to open up space within yourself, between yourself and your coach, and also yourself and your topic of conversation. We’ve just shifted into a idea that’s pretty abstract, so let me see if I can ground it. As people, we often live like we are holding ourselves together—we manage and control our projects, our households, our companies, diets, finances, relationships. Our lives depend on us to move them forward.

But here’s a thought experiment inspired by educator and acting coach Viola Spolin. (If you’re reading this, you might switch to the audio version so you can experience it too.) It goes like this. Imagine that you are not holding yourself together, but you are held together by outside forces: you are held together by the space around you. Let the space around you be your only support. Let your spine, your mind, your jaw, face, shoulders, relax. Open up the space between these words you’re reading and your eyes, or your ears, and your hands.

Without giving up this spaciousness, now imagine you’re playing catch with someone. You’re on a beach tossing a baseball; it’s easy and fun. You feel the ball hit solidly in your glove; the sting on your palm. You can smell the leather becoming more supple and soft as it heats up from your sweat. You might feel the sun on your shoulder, your feet in the sand, your muscles stretch. You can also feel the sense of ease between you and your partner in the volley—a back and forth, give and take.

Now switch. The space isn’t holding you, but your spine, your muscles and will, your athleticism are holding you. Notice how different it feels. Notice what it’s like in your mind, behind your eyes, in your limbs, in your throat or core.

Now switch once more. Let the space hold you. Staying anchored to that sense of ease and flow, the space around you holding you, instead of tossing a ball back and forth, you’re tossing words, tossing ideas. That is what it means to be in a coachable mindset.

David and John. Not without their flaws. But learning to consider and consciously wield energy within themselves and with others is a skill they’ve worked to hone—you can sense it between them on stage.

At one point in their conversation, John was talking about a moment in rehab when he’d gone to see the doctor for a crack in his molar, the result of grinding his teeth during detox. He also told the doctor that he intended to leave and go back to New York City, and the doctor replied, “John, we both know how this movie ends.” John caught this. Then he went back to his room, and he decided to stay.